The fall of the Heart of Usher

My mind is still reeling. I haven't had a night of peace.

I keep telling myself to stay strong.

Stay strong for myself. Can't find hope.

I was left in a pile of ruins just before socializing with people.

I cry myself to sleep. Wish it would stop.

Wish it would all stop...

I stood strong beside you when you took your beating from life.

When you needed me.

I need you.

You are gone.

Post-Mental Meltdown
How am I supposed to feel when I come across such things, written by you? 

It crushes my heart, that the whole ordeal was planned and executed by you.
We had a discussion once. I explained to you why I could never have sex with someone even 
with your consent. You wanted more. More More More.

This manure-pile of a country is so blinded by greed, that everyone has lost raw emotion.
We are spoon-fed this infant crap of how bigger is better, more is merrier.
There is no love among us. There is no actual happiness. 
Thank you greed, for taking away something, and someone I would have enjoyed otherwise.

I was interested in it for a moment. The very instant before it happened, I noticed it was a mistake. It was never supposed to happen. Not with me. My heart feels cheated, and my brain knows you cheated. 

You know the silken words that slide from the brain and roll from the tongue are so full of your toxins, that anyone who is so unfortunate to hear them will bend and break at your will.

The world is given to you. 

I won't be part of that world.

I won't be your world.

Six, very emotional months.

It's been one hell of a ride. Crying in your arms, crying alone. Yelling at you and with you. We made it to six months though. A relationship is honestly a nice chunk of patience and focus. You really have to want to know the person, and want to make it work like nothing else.

You told me the last time you saw me that things would only get more difficult from here on out. I agree, in the sense that the world is going to throw it all at us like a raging monkey in the zoo, but I disagree as well. We know what we're both capable of. 

I love you Andrew. 

The art Of the not so Talented
When someone aims to bring you down, they must first know the blueprints.
Where will it hurt the most, what are your dreams, who you love the most. 
Then, the set to work at dismembering you. 
From the inside out.

This week has been a nice chunk of stress. I am physically and mentally tired, and proof of that would be my sudden speech impediment and my feeling sleepy. 

School is advertising our class rings already, and my sister Jenny is getting one. When mom asked me if I wanted one, I responded I would rather have the money, and she scoffed, saying I wouldn't get the money. Don't get it..

I know my family knows a lot, (my parents know a plethora of everything) but sometimes, the things I hear come out of their mouths leave me to believe otherwise. I feel more neglected by them than ever. I know a lot of kids have it far worse than me, but from my life, after having known equivalent affection between me, my brother and sister, I feel...left to fend for myself. 

I won't argue against that, but I don't approve of them aiding my brother and sister far more. Maybe they just need it more.


A surprise. 

Too big to fit in box. Well, ones that are big enough aren't around.

For you. 

Yes you.

Look around.

There really is more than meets the eye.

Step outside.

Breathe deeply. 

Live happily.

Writer's Block: Life or Something Like It

  The one thing that has changed my life the most is probably the most remembered day of my life. I was at my local farmer's market here in Florida with relatives who were down to visit. My cousin had asked me to go with her to get a crepe from her favorite stand. Seeing as how we're both girls, we talked about the cute guys running the stand. I had my eyes on a tall dark and handsome guy, while she had her eyes on a shorter white guy. 

What experience has changed you for the better (or worse)?
   That day changed my life, because after the conversation I had with that guy, I feared I would never see him, this stranger, again. Ridiculous right? Well, about a year later, I ran into him, or rather he into me. We were at a renaissance festival when he asked me where he noticed me from. I had to really think about it for a second, as he asked me if I was at a party he had been to. Then I simply said, " Hey crepe guy".

   It's been four miraculous months since that day. 


Insignificant. That's what I really am in this round of Chess. A pawn, merely sacrificed for the greater good of my king. I used to be a rather lovely pawn at some point, with a beautiful shine to my now tarnished aluminum cover. A felt circle held me apart from the board itself, but that's long gone just as well. 

  Even Hannible Lecter, cerial killing cannible, has more desire to live than I. When all this world has to offer is heart ache and failure as one potent cocktail, it's very difficult to see a silver lining. As a matter of fact, the silver lining is not so much as silver that Iron, rusting like our fair lady liberty has done, time and time again. 

  This war in me seems to be getting more advanced as well as difficult as my brain discovers nuclear devices and my heart produces more money. What's right is not always what's kind.

 I t will kill me more to always remember the exact pattern of your eyes, the exact color and tints, than to shoot myself in the foot.

2 Months, 1 day

 After riding around on our wheels, we finally had the time (me having the patience) to watch the cont of Monte Cristo. Holy shit! The priest was incredible, super intelligent and his witty jokes were said at a perfect time. It was interesting to watch Edward go through the transition from being a self pity wreck to an elegant man with...BADDASSERY! 

  Andrew and I were fighting in the back, and I kicked his ass :3 That is until he decided to tickle the ever-living shit out of me. That's cheating in my book.


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